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Getting Older?

I’ve decided not to eat organic foods. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.

Getting old isn’t all bad. Imagine what it would be like if wrinkles hurt!

You know you’re getting old when it takes more time to recover than it took to tire you out!


“The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing in one respect: you have to stay on your feet steady and ready to meet any blows that are sudden and unexpected.” Marcus Aurelius


Two gay men are standing on a street corner. A gorgeous and shapely young lady strolls by wearing a low-cut, chiffon dress. One of the men says to the other, “It’s times like this when I wish I were a lesbian.”

Foul Mouth Squirrel

Took a walk and surprised a squirrel. He appeared to gasp when he saw me about three feet away. He ran like hell and climbed a tree. Then his little head peeked around from the backside of the tree and he took a long look. His expression said it all: “What the ___ were you thinking, ____hole! You damn near scared me to death.”

Do Woodchucks Chuck Wood?

I’m not sure. I saw Mr. Woodchuck the other day. He was chewing a small branch and then defecated a 2″ X 4″. I snapped to attention, saluted him, and called him sir. Still not sure if woodchucks actually chuck wood but am convinced they can if they want to. At least, Mr. Woodchuck can.

Where’s The Dollar?

Three soldiers go into an Inn and rent a room for $30.00.They contribute $10.00 each. The innkeeper decides to give them a reduced rate to honor their service and gives $5.00 dollars to the bellmen with intsructions to take the money and give it to the soldiers. As the bellman is heading to the soldiers room, he realizes it will be tough for them to split the $5.00 three ways. So, the bellman gives the soldiers $3.00 and keeps $2.00 for himself. Each soldier took $1.00. Now the room cost each soldier $9.00. There are three soldiers. That equals $27.00. The bellman kept $2.00 for a total of $29.00. Where’s the missing dollar? I mean it – who took that dollar? Where the hell is that dollar?

Over Two Thousand Years Ago

Plato wrote the following in Republic about how excessive, unrestrained liberty and license can corrupt: “It is true then, as I was going to say, that the insatiate desire for this (liberty), and disregard of everything else, transforms the constitution here also and makes it want a tyranny.”

“The father gets into the habit of behaving like the son and fears his own children, the son behaves like the father, and does not honor or fear his parents, ‘must have liberty’ he says. Settler is equal to citizen and citizen to settler, the foreigner is the same.”

“This then, my friend is the beginning from which tyranny grows, such a beautiful, bright beginning!”

Two Handles

“Everything has two handles, the one by which it may be borne and the other by which it may not. If your brother acts unjustly, do not lay hold of the act by that handle wherein he acts unjustly, for this is the handle by which it cannot be borne; but lay hold of the other, that he is your brother, that he was nurtured with you, and you will lay hold of the thing by that handle by which it can be borne.” Epictetus

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